I am not your Nigga

I was thinking about life and all the people we’ve lost through Covid through all the other challenges and obstacles life puts out there, life can be so unpredictable. Yet we are still here, and with the life we have we must fight for the visions we started with. Growing up I was always very different to others around me, I had a unique perspective. At many times in my life I was judged, treated cruelly for being intelligent there were some who believed that as a young black woman who wasn’t abundant with coin, I should know my place. At one point in my life I was bullied so badly and treated so abhorrently, I just went mute I stopped speaking. The trauma was too much for me, I remember it and I feel it at times even when things appear to be going so smoothly. I remembered how the jealous tongues of others in the community I grew up in was used to cripple me, I remember being treated without mercy for having a disability, when I first started out in business in my community I was laughed at, became the joke of the community, was called the N word. These same people would stand out in the streets parroting community , community. I was a young black girl, without my father present, with jealous elders in the neighborhood tearing me down. It was fine when I was just seen as this ghetto Stereotype who wouldn’t accomplish much but when people started to see and people started to hear I wasn’t invisible anymore. I was called every name under the sun, a Nigga,a slut,a whore, for years, there were kids who I used to walk past like normal suddenly treating me like I was the worst person in the world because of the things their parents were saying behind closed doors. And I heard many of those things. I was nicknamed the ugly one in the family, because I was a dark skinned woman, at one point there was some sort of village movement in my neighborhood to bully me into submitting and giving the people who had destroyed my confidence and many years of my life, introductions to connections. I never received justice for it. I write this now because I remember who I was once upon a time, before I began to question so many things about people so many things about self. I remembered how I used to smile and laugh, and dance just for no reason, and I miss that girl. For those people who are different, who somehow we always stand out no matter how much we try and blend in, no matter how old we get we always have to put the armour on because we have to prepare for the idiots who are scared of our voice. I just want to tell you that’s it’s alright. It’s alright to be different, you have to forgive yourself for not being like everybody else, no one has the right to punish you for it. I lived for many years of my life in Beckton and never got justice for the bullying, the harassment, most of it I couldn’t even prove. When In a fit of rage I confronted one of the bullies who was trying to destroy my name, clever little fox he managed to calmly convince others that it was my own challenges, and no I hadn’t experienced a consistent tornado of abuse from him for many years. Words like Nigga that destroy your soul, comments that have you weeping in private. Yet my point is in this time where people are loosing their lives and being challenged by things we cannot see, please please hold unto those blessed happy moments and celebrate the self that you are. And if you are,a little different, a little unique, my sister always says to me that despite all the pain my voice will be the loudest. Your triumph will be your uniqueness. If your young and your black please never let anyone crucify you with the N word, those of us who are not ignorant know the origins of that word. It was used to destroy people’s spirits for being different, and now people joke with it for comic relief claiming wordplay,even with those outside of their race. No for many years that word was used to crucify and destroy, it’s used to make sure you feel less than. We are not less than. And wether your black white green or translucent let’s give time and space to what’s different, god added variety on Earth for a reason…I hear it’s the spice of life.

Evading distraction

healing

Sometimes peoples negativity slows you down, yet here’s a bit of Usain bolt juice for you. What would happen if you reached your goals and objective in the coming week, month, year, or in half the time you set for it. https://4706agt7h92fxj25paqdmk4ra5.hop.clickbank.net/ There is nothing impossible under the sun when we manage our pockets of time, and we manage ourselves we become more effective leaders. Do not deny yourself a steady pace, and yet do not let others drag you down because they have unfulfilled wishes of their own. Life is up for the taking, get hungry, get passionate and do more than your time. Nothing comes easily, there are so many books on how to do things quickly, get rich, be successful, every element you apply requires you use hard work. Those who are scared of hard work miss out on the challenge and the opportunity to broaden horizons and expand themselves.https://4706agt7h92fxj25paqdmk4ra5.hop.clickbank.net/

creativity

Freedom to Fly

You have something special to accomplish and you have time to do it, it is not about who turns you down, who rejects you, whose door you knock at that wont provide you access. https://2f3cf71bud3eql6isey8fjxfcv.hop.clickbank.net/ Its about creating opportunities for yourself, out of your vision. Using key objectives and motivating yourself when you get in a slump. There are days where things will seem dire, where life may turn you inside out, yet think to yourself one day, i will be free of these negative emotions of this toxicity. Let me find a door, that i can open myself, and i can lead others to a pride of place. You are your vision. You are your strength, you are your hope and you are the light in the darkness. Bold steps when the bone is fragile. You must believe in your ability to perform because life is set up for contenders. Whether you have a disability or not, whether you have an ailment or not, you have a path and you must arrive at the finish line no matter what foibles are in your way. It is the daily tasks, the affirmations, the sentences we say in the morning, the prayers we keep in our hearts. Others may not know your potential, but you stem from promise. You are the baby of a womb ripe with ideas, let them envelope you, and fasten your seat belt your in for the ride of your life.https://2f3cf71bud3eql6isey8fjxfcv.hop.clickbank.net/

Countering Fear with Belief

Fear. Fear has stopped many people from accomplishing a dream, those little doubts that dance in and out of our thoughts making us dizzy. https://3a179971hcw6q9fdwimgm8en40.hop.clickbank.net/ Yet what if you did it piece by piece day by day, a bit at a time. What would your fear say then? Fitting every jigsaw piece in little by little, taking the cake a slice at a time. My father said something to me that inspired me he said, it takes many drops of water to make an Ocean. Yet this message states that the ocean itself is possible. Do not conquer and yet condemn,believe in possible things, if men have walked the moon, why not you, why is your vision, your dream so impossible for a universe and a god of such omnipotence. We believe in so many things, let’s take time to embrace fully believing in ourselves. https://3a179971hcw6q9fdwimgm8en40.hop.clickbank.net/

The Evolving Self

Everybody goes through challenges, everybody experiences life and it’s heartbreak. One thing that should always help you is that you triumphed against it. You are still standing, so you have the opportunity to channel your potential, do you believe in limitations. Don’t believe in them, don’t feed into the fear these obstacles create. Sometimes we walk through life blind folded, eager to find ways to fix our sight. Yet one should always remember, passion is vision, it is hope for the future , this will give you sight even on your darkest days. You have a self to celebrate, a self to discover, you are a version that is being shaped and moulded. A butterfly locked in a crystals, yet someday soon the ghosts that clamour inside, clawing at your skin, the demons of past failure and pain left like a scent will disappear. The new you will be the self the universe promised. You are in the process of development, platelets will shift, biochemistry will be unpredictable for a time, then you will arise a new self.

Obsession and work

I was listening to a motivational video this morning as I often do to spur me on from writers block, or any negative chi blocks in the morning. The topic was being obsessed. The argument was that as an omnipotent figure in the design of your work, you have to become obsessed with it, consumed by it, go beyond the basic hard work skeleton. You see, a story is formulating already. We are the stories we tell ourselves, the beliefs we have in our potential. If we believe we can produce 2000 more words in the night , this night, we will. The mind is as water it is a free thing, mind and brain are separate. The brain has a structure, a format an organ, the mind is an infinitive. It will take you to where eagles soar, a phoenix laid it’s first egg, man mated with sea beast to form the first mermaid, it is wizardry. To not tap into its Pandora, and allow yourself a little of the Jekyll in you, should be identified as self treason. Your life is your mind, the internal dialogue you have within yourself , a rhetoric we hold unto. Yet with the Mozart’s, and the Einstein’s, and the Marx I recommend we change a little of the conversation, tilt that gate open and let some of that river shimmer out.

Focussing The Mind

Life is full of distractions, at no time do you allow it when you’ve rolled the dice and have figured out the game, to get inside your head. It is a keeper of souls. It claims victims, and those with baggage become casualties of life in this torrid chess game. Your next move should not be to be selfish but to focus on s higher self, on a more intuitive self, that self will guide you, that self will heal you, and remove the clutter of yesterdays pain. It is maddening to believe life claims so many casualties without goals without tasks without plans. Be a keen observer and a lit match when it is time for action. The opportunities that came to you last year may not arrive this year, the story you sold yourself last year may be dysfunctional for this year. This year the conversations may have added up, demanding that you challenge the doubt within, so challenge it. Face it off. It is one of the opponent’s blocking your path to a realised dream, doubt procrastination and the inability to focus. Channel the genius and simplicity of those who came before you, buckle down and focus.

Soaring High

It’s easy to give up, it’s easy to quit. You have no other option, but to keep going. To just breathe, inhale, exhale and say one day , I will have my day. This day comes with the actions I take, the persistence I have, the platform I build and the focus. It is easy to let others wear you down systematically, their cruelty, their malice, their envy, yet stay in your own lane, on your own path, your focus will be your path to freedom. Excite yourself with vision , hope and take heed that you are more than potential, don’t let fear pursue you to the end of a chipped cliff. You have options, you have dreams, you have skills, utilise them. Let other people pick you apart if that’s the only way they can validate themselves, let them muse themselves with their own contempt, you are soaring and flying high, one day you will land on safe comfortable ground.

A motive for motivation

 I didn’t see the devil coming until he shook my hand. I was thick in my own fears, nestled in quick sand, too terrified to live. I was a fragmented self, and my vision was skewed. It is easy to be lost in the confusion of pain, trapping yourself in your minds confusion.

Yet you must arise from this slumber and awaken yourself to a life that wants to claim you. Otherwise you will not spot the Jekyl that comes at you, dressed in disguise. A wolf covered in wool, smiling with a narrative of lies, convincing you that you are loosing a fight, when you haven’t even stepped into the ring. You must trick the mind and shame the devil, with truth, action, courage, and self belief. Some people grimace through pain so much, they convince the world they are smiling. You must mentally go to war, with any Jekyl that tries to steal your strength, your motivation, your self belief. Do not embrace toxicity with a smile, create a hub of warmth for your mind, learning is the bridge to many things, faith helps give access, it is not your lot to simply give up.

Diversions in a dream

The truth about any dream is that you will have to face challenges. Face fears, and other peoples razor sharp tongue. It is a step at a time, a goal at a time. You can’t eat the sandwich without taking a bite at a time, you must not overwhelm yourself, you are transporting your dream from another reality. From the subconscious mind you are trying to make it real, shaping it, carving it, these things take work and take time.

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